For anyone over the age of 16 NEW MOON is the dreariest possible experience. This second installment in the Twilight triology is a hundred and thirty painful minutes of teenage moping and mumbling interspersed with unfeasibly pumped-up shirtless adolescents (one of whom also appears to have pumped up - or least pumped out - his nose) running around in the rain. 
Time slows to an agonising crawl over broken glass as Bella (Kristen Stewart) moons and mopes for scene after scene over her lost vampire love Edward (Robert Pattinson). Almost anyone who's ever been a teenager can identify with the heightened emotions which make separation feel like the end of the world but NEW MOON wallows in the misery with the same demented delight of a pig in you know what. 
By thirty minutes in I was ready to scream out "for god's sake get over it!" but I didn't because I didn't fancy being lynched by the mostly female, softly sniffling audience around me.
NEW MOON is devoid of the sense of adventure and discovery which made "Twilight" such an enjoyable watch. That film had a beginning, middle and end and looks like "Citizen Kane" in comparison. NEW MOON is all middle.
Granted there are a couple of moments where the pace drags itself up a notch beyond comatose but these flurries of excitement are so brief and unrewarding that they completely fail to scratch the itch that the film has created.
Just as Bella and Edward are fated never to get it on, so was I destined for total frustration in my hopes for a satisfying cinematic climax.
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