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30 March 2011

BURLESQUE: Burloody Awful

BURLESQUE is a huge shiny hollow cylinder devoid of texture, interest or entertainment.
BURLESQUE tells a story that was old and cliched when Warner Brothers brought it to the screen almost 80 years ago in the guise of '42nd Street' and 'Footlight Parade' but they at least were smart enough to inject some sparkle, humour and wonderful actors into the retelling.
BURLESQUE is lumbered with pop singer Christina Aguilera whose face is frozen into a sullen pout for much of the film and whose emotions run the gamut from A almost all the way to B.
BURLESQUE is also lumbered with Cher, an Oscar winning actress past her acting prime and sporting so much make-up it's not surprising her face is sagging under the weight.
BURLESQUE panders to these two divas by jettisoning the theme and style of the story to indulge each of them in a (contractually required?) solo number which has nothing to do with the story and adds nothing to it, but probably has everything to do with trying to create a hit single for the soundtrack album.
This cynical move might have paid off if either song had been any good rather than an excuse for a bellowing contest between the two leather-lunged ladies. Both ballads are bland and overblown album fillers, and the rest of the music (with the exception of Marilyn Monroe singing 'Diamonds are a girl's best friend') is little better.
The one saving grace in this dreary musical is Stanley Tucci as Sean, the Cher character's confidant and artistic director of her burlesque show. Tucci is considerably better than the material and his fellow cast members, and succeeds in injecting some individuality into what is little more than a stock gay character.
But Tucci's been good in enough movies (try 'Julie and Julia' or 'The Lovely Bones') that there's no need to waste your time and will to live sitting through this abomination.

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