THE PHYNX: an embarrassment of stars - and not in a good way

If The Monkees are QVC-peddled diamonique to The Beatles flawless diamonds, then THE PHYNX are the plastic, made in China, children's jewelry sold in large bins at the Dollar Tree store.
This bizarre 1970 musical comedy is very obviously designed to cash in on the success of the Pre-Fab Four but it's so bad it succeeds only in falling well short of that less than ambitious goal.

THE PHYNX are a manufactured pop group, comprising 4 minimally talented, totally charisma-free young men, who are put together by the SSA - Super Secret Agency - with the intention of infiltrating Albania and rescuing a bunch of American celebrities who have been kidnapped by the country's communist dictator.
Are you still following me?
THE PHYNX is badly written, poorly acted trash that doesn't even rise to the redeeming level of kitsch. This leaden satire is less funny than the least amusing 'Saturday Night Live' sketch, and Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber - the men who wrote 'Jailhouse Rock,' 'Love Me' and 'King Creole' for Elvis - should be ashamed at the musical tripe they served up for THE PHYNX to sing.
But still I stuck with it and the reason was the supporting cast list. The kidnapped celebrities are actual celebrities! Director Lee H.Katzin has rounded up a 1970 Who's Who of old time Hollywood stars still upright, breathing and willing to prostitute themselves for a final chance to grasp for even a tiny portion of their former fame.
Cinema's most famous Tarzan and Jane, Johnny Weissmuller and Maureen O'Sullivan are reunited for one brief scene; tiresome Bowery Boys Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall rehash thirty seconds of their tiresome schtick; and there's blink and you'll miss 'em appearances by Joan Blondell, Dorothy Lamour, Busby Berkeley, Andy Devine, Butterfly McQueen, Rudy Vallee, Edgar Bergen, George Jessel, Ruby Keeler, Joe Louis and even KFC founder Colonel Sanders!
Their plight as fodder in this third rate production is best summed up by Warner Bros veteran Pat O'Brien, who wearily turns to Marilyn Maxwell during the final chase scene (in a turnip wagon) and says "If only I'd played the other part I'd be in Sacramento right now (as Governor of California) and Ronald Reagan would be here." It's meant as a joke but the expression on O'Brien's face and the tone of his voice suggests otherwise.
A monumental embarrassment to everyone involved, THE PHYNX is about as close to unwatchable as it gets without actually turning off the tv.