THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN - PART ONE: self-inflicted punishment

Don't ask.
Just don't ask.
I don't know why I continue to inflict this saga on myself.
'New Moon' and 'Eclipse' were so dreadful it should have scared me off for life.
But I keep on coming back for more punishment.
It's not like I'm even hooked on Kristen Stewart anymore.

Part one of the fourth and final installment was yet another test of my endurance - could I hold it together or would BREAKING DAWN break me, sending me screaming from the room, frustrated beyond my ability to stand a minute more of this tedious dirge?
It was a close run thing but I think I more than proved I possess the resilience and strength of character to serve with the Marines or defuse bombs or talk crazy people down from the ledge of a skyscraper.
I'm still trying to figure out if that's something I should be proud of.
BREAKING DAWN is twenty five minutes worth of plot spread (very) thinly across an almost two hour running time. For the best part of ninety minutes almost nothing happens.
Characters look at each other, there's a bunch of arty-farty shots, and the newly-married Bella and Edward make beautiful PG-13 lurve. Time grinds to a halt.
I'd be lying if I called this a yawnfest. That would suggest the viewer remained awake and at least semi-conscious. BREAKING DAWN is a non-addictive, over-the-counter cure for insomnia.