BURN AFTER READING: frantic farce with an all-star cast of idiots

"Report back to me when it makes sense” a CIA boss barks at one of his subordinates as this farce starts to unravel.

He does report back but it never really makes sense. BURN AFTER READING is full of characters who think they know everything but actually don’t have a clue what they’ve got themselves caught up in.

George Clooney is a former Secret Service agent, married to a best selling children’s author, and having an affair with children’s doctor Katie Cox (Tilda Swinton).

Katie’s planning to divorce her eccentric husband Osbourne (John Malkovich). He’s quit the CIA after being demoted for an unspecified misdemeanour and is writing his tell-all memoir in revenge.

A copy of the unfinished book lands in the hands of Chad (Brad Pitt) and Linda (Frances McDormand), a couple of fitness trainers at a Washington DC branch of ‘Hardbodies Gym.’

They’re not exactly the sharpest tools in the box but they are creative and unscrupulous. They hatch a plan to extort Osbourne, offering to return his book to him for $50,000. Linda wants the money to pay for the plastic surgery she believes will help her find true love.

When Osbourne refuses to play ball, they try to hawk the spyman’s story to the Russian Embassy, which is where the CIA come in.

BURN AFTER READING is a farce whose roots extend back to 1930s Hollywood and those screwball comedies featuring Cary Grant,  Rosalind Russell,  Katharine Hepburn and Ralph Bellamy talking at a million miles an hour as they get themselves entangled in convoluted plots involving escaped convicts, dinosaur bones and pet leopard called ‘Baby’.

This film’s not quite in the same league as 'Bringing Up Baby,' (1938) 'His Girl Friday' (1940) or 'Nothing Sacred' (1937) but it’s a spirited effort nonetheless.

Writer-directors Ethan and Joel Coen ('No Country for Old Men'), have dialed down the pace a few notches to accommodate Clooney’s slightly more leisurely comedic style and the result if not exactly comedy gold is still mighty entertaining.

Pitt proves he’s no slouch in the comedy department either, playing Chad as a likeable and well intentioned doofus who’s funny just by being himself.

But it’s John Malkovich comes closest to channelling the spirit of those 30s comedy classics as he rants, raves and becomes increasingly more unhinged by the inexplicable events which are turning his life upside down and inside out.

Frances McDormand is effortlessly enchanting as Linda Litzke, making her larger than life without ever tipping over into parody or overacting. Clooney’s 'Michael Clayton' co-star Tilda Swinton, meanwhile, manages to suggest a bottomless pool of bitterness and selfishness without once having to raise her voice.

The script is laugh out loud funny in places and - just like the screwball classics it seeks to emulate - there’s not a single wasted moment. Every line and scene works to keep the plot moving rapidly forward towards its unexpected conclusion.

One of the other pleasures contained within BURN AFTER READING is the Coen Brothers complete lack of consideration for the stature of their all-star cast.There’s no special treatment for the names above the title; their story is an equal opportunity offender when it comes to stripping characters of their dignity.

Funny and pacy (the ninety six minute running time goes by in a flash) but just too lightweight to really stick in the memory for very long afterwards BURN AFTER READING is a fast food delight; very tasty while being consumed but quickly forgotten afterwards.

RED: better dead than red

Thanksgiving has come early this year thanks to this butter-basted over-ready turkey and it's left me with a severe case of indigestion. 
RED is an acronym for Retired Extremely Dangerous but it could equally well stand for Really Extremely Dire because it is. 

Really Excessively Deluded works equally well. Stars Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman and director Robert Schwentke labor under the misapprehension that they're making a comedy spy thriller in the mold of "Burn After Reading" rather than a complete mess, which this film also is.
What is intended to be an off-beat quirky, slight left-field romp comes off as a project that was put into production before the script was finished. The entire story feels disjointed, sketchy and, even by the 'suspend your disbelief' standards of comedy thrillers, nonsensical and implausible. 
Other than an oversize paycheck it's very difficult to discern what induced otherwise level headed actors like Brian Cox, Helen Mirren,  Mary-Louise Parker, and 93 year old Ernest Borgnine to get involved in this fiasco. 

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS: almost as much fun as it sounds

The plot of THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS is as bizarre as its title.
Briefly put, it involves Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor), a smalltown newspaper journalist who travels to Iraq in search of adventure and an opportunity to prove his worth to his cheating wife. There he hooks up with Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) a mysterious special ops guy on a mission who regales Bob with tall tales about a secret US army battalion trained to fight using paranormal powers instead of guns.
The plot though is less important than the way in which it unfolds. It's Clooney's deadpan delivery of ridiculous explanations and McGregor's understandably bewildered reaction, together with the numerous slyly humorous flashbacks which illustrate Clooney's story which make THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS worth watching. Getting there is more fun than arriving because the climax is distinctly anti-climactic. 
All the air goes out of the story when the two finally reach the end of their quest. The quirky sense of humour is replaced with a deadening seriousness. It's as if director Grant Heslov and producer Clooney have decided it's not enough simply for their film to entertain; it must have a message as well. The abrupt shift in mood and pace is not just unsettling, it ruins the whole party, erasing the memories of the good time I was having just a few minutes earlier.
GOATS is a minor entry in the Clooney canon. It bears all the hallmarks of his slightly subversive sense of humour but it's not in the same league as "Burn After Reading" or "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" although it will definitely remind you of them. Cassady is yet another Clooney character who may or may not be all that he claims to be, but is most certainly not the hero of the story despite Clooney's star billing. That role goes to Jeff Bridges as a most unconventional US Army officer who recruits and trains the battalion of psychic warriors.
Amusing rather than laugh out loud funny with a decidedly off-beat sense of humour that some will find off-putting, THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS is an acquired taste which may find more success at the art house than the multiplex.